The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
