She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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