We should be called the Road Head Warriors
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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