just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
