Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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