Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
