so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I use my feet as sexual weapons
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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