I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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