white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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