Is it because I queefed?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
