I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
