I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
