you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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