Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
