I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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