I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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