I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize