I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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