i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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