Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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