I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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