dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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