Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
