Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
