honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
