you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
