Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
zippers are such a cool invention
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
