I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize