shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
