i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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