he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
