wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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