Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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