im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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