just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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