If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
