i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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