my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
