now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
