you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i now understand why vodka
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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