There was a lot of him and a little penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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