I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
