I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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