she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
