The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
