haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
