Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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