saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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