the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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