I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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