Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
