My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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