So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
