That's intense
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize