babies were throwing up all over the place
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
