can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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