I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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