i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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