I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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