My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
