Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
