this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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