I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
