i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
