O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
