just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
