i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize