You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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