Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He passed out mid-signature
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
