I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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